Thursday, August 18, 2011


Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurt? I'm not talking about that pink, stuffed Unicorn when you were 5 (you know who you are), but something that your heart actually aches so badly for it's physically exhausting sometimes. I'm in that tugboat right now and taking on plenty of water, let me tell you. 

When I was growing up it seemed that all the world made sense. I mean, there was God who I loved, obeyed, and prayed to. There were rules to follow. There was mom and dad to guide me. There was my brother to play G.I. Joe's with. Yo, Joe! There was our Cookie Monster wagon and episodes of MacGyver were on after school if a baseball game wasn't interrupting them (don't even get me started on that one). There was also a pretty clear cut picture of what I was going to grow up to be and do........Wife and mom first, then maybe a career of some kind. But when becoming a wife took far longer than I'd anticipated, seeing as I didn't meet Mr. N. until I was 28, it threw me for a loop. And now we find ourselves waiting for a baby and just passed the point of one year of trying, well, needless to say I'm pretty floored and find myself scrambling to make sense of it all. It has certainly taken it's toll, the waiting, but it has also given me a chance to see more of who God truly is. Meaning I've come to understand that this time of trial is not some cosmic punishment sent from on high. It's a time to remember that God is good ALL the time, that He can see the big picture of what is going on, that He promises to work all things together for good and for His glory, and that I need to put my whole trust in Him knowing that He hears our prayers and knows our hearts. Yes, we rejoice for those we know who have been given this gift before us, but we do still struggle with the pain. However, I know that in the same moment that tears are pouring down my face when I hear that yet another couple around us is expecting, I can run to my Heavenly Father and know that He understands. And I can thank Him for loving Mr. N. and me enough to never leave our side during these times of refining and for everything He has so graciously given us. 

My Mr. N.



It's hard not to be thankful when I get to look at this bunch every day. =]

My prayer for you is that whatever you may be going through right now, no matter how difficult it may feel at times, that you would find the breath to give thanks even in the midst of the pain. We're not promised that things will make sense, but we are promised that God is faithful. Don't know about you, but that is a tremendous comfort for me.


  1. I really, really appreciate your vulnerability. And, I join you in prayer for God to give you the desire of your heart. You will be a great mother when the time comes. I can imagine it is difficult to be surrounded by a lot of people with young babies and children. I just want you to know that we walk beside you and will look forward to rejoicing with you when a baby arrives.

  2. Well said my sweet daughtie! I waited a long time for you and let me tell you - it was well worth the wait. I couldn't have asked for anyone sweeter or more beautiful than you. God has blessed me more than I could ever deserve. He will bless you as well and fill your heart with more love than you could imagine! Love you so much, Mums